The past few months have been really rough on our family, and it has been mainly caused by me. Dealing with Eric losing his job, a miscarriage, my grandfather's death and my father forgetting my birthday completely brought out a lot of issues I had never dealt with. I went into a very depressed state where Eric and I were questioning me seeing a doctor about it.
That was when I started to figure thing out on my own. I have always compared my worst self to everyone's best. I always felt not good enough. I would set such high expectations for myself that hardly anyone could reach. Through that past few months I have been slowly learning a lot of stuff about myself and letting things go.
Looking back on these few months it makes sense for why Eric didn't have a job. He needed to be home so I could go through this. I have grown to love myself for once! A few weeks ago we went to the temple and I remember hearing all of the blessing that are promised and for once I felt I am one of those people that are talked about. Before I felt they were talking about everyone else.
I also had a hard time with thinking that I had no great talents and that the ones I did have were just ok. I have come to realize I have a very big talent and I have a whole paragraph just for it in my blessing. That is strength. And I am fine with having "ok" talents too because I am a well rounded person.
I figured I should share this because sometimes on blogs it is easy to say things are fine when things are not. Oh and Eric starts his co-op (internship) on Tuesday!
Balsamic-Glazed Pork Chops
14 years ago
1 comment:
Everybody does that. I totally question myself and compare myself. On good days I don't, but sometimes I get really down on myself too. I'm glad you are feeling better. It really helps to be able to share with others. I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage. That is really difficult. I think you are wonderful, if it matters at all. Have a happy day.
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